Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Did Katy?

Dear Ms. Mantis,
I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. He's been writing me emails for weeks, telling me that I'm incapable of loving anyone and that as soon as I get close, I run away. Now he finds old emails and takes sentences out of context to prove his point. What should I do? Should I write back? should I ignore him? I'm really getting irritated.
KatyDid (but doesn't anymore)

Dear Katy,
I'll keep this short and sweet. What did you think would happen? You made the mistake of NOT biting his head off when you had the chance, and now you're suffering the consequences. You might have to get together with him just one...more...time...
Ms. M

Friday, November 15, 2013

Tough Love...

Dear Ms. Mantis,
My old boyfriend keeps hanging around the mailbox, and it's really stressing me out. I try talking to him, but he doesn't answer; he just hangs there, staring at me with those 8 dark eyes. I'm so creeped out, I don't want to get the mail any more. Help! What should I do?
- itsy bitsy

Dear Its,
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, dear, but your ex is dead. Perhaps you don't remember sucking out his life juices, but rest assured: you did. If you ever want to mate again, you better cut him down and spruce up the place.
-Ms. M